Today’s Tip

How to Disagree Without Being Divisive

Many of us try to avoid conversations with those who have a sharply different point of view, or we try to convince them that they’re wrong. Neither approach is very productive. It’s possible to have healthy disagreements by employing a few tactics. Start by acknowledging the other person's perspective, whether you agree with it or not. Say something like, “I understand where you're coming from,” or, “Thank you for sharing your position,” before you state your point of view. Also, demonstrate humility. While confidence is important in making persuasive arguments, too much of it can be abrasive and even offensive. And be sure to phrase your argument in positive terms. For instance, you could say something like, “Let's consider the possible benefits of having fewer people working on the marketing initiative,” rather than “We shouldn’t have any more people working on the marketing initiative.” Finally, if things start to get heated, reiterate areas of agreement — even if they're small and obvious. Something simple, such as “We both want this pandemic to end,” or “We agree that social distancing is presenting unprecedented challenges,” can reestablish common ground. These strategies can help loosen gridlock, animosity, and resentment and open the door for connection.

This tip is adapted from “Disagreement Doesn’t Have to Be Divisive,” by Francesca Gino